you’re all probably sick of me, but I just need to get this out of my system

In the end, instead of taking the supplemental, I decided to just retake the course. I understand the concepts (molecular biology) now, it’s just the application and details, I’m not familiar enough with, and I just think I will do better if I just retake the course. 

But it also means that I have to reschedule everything. It also means that for sure, I have to pull up my GPA a lot because I did so badly this term. It was so hard to decide whether to take the supplemental or the course. Because either way, my D won’t be replaced… it will still be there, I just have an extra mark in my CGPA. So, it’s more like, if I really will do better next year or not. 

I had a long talk with my mom, she was mainly concerned that I might over-stress myself next year if I retake the course and that I might not end up going to class. But I’m determined to do better. I know, it’s not my lack of capability. I refuse to believe that I’m stupid. I’m not. I’m smarter than some of my friends even though they’re doing better than me. It’s just, I suck at planning and time management. But if I learn and motivate myself enough, overcome this struggle, I can do well. 

Even after an hour of crying and frustration, I am still feeling very anxious. I just hope I did not make the wrong decision, and that I have not overestimated myself (which I tend to do sometimes). I’m just so tired and disappointed and all these negative feelings are so painful. I’ve never struggled so hard, never been so hopeless, doubtful and desperate. It’s a new feeling. 

I don’t know, everything just feels… so unfinished. I don’t know how to let things go, I need to chill, and move on. 

  1. s-olaris a publié ce billet